Turtle sadness

Saturday. Today was just beautiful! The sky was so blue and gorgeous! I got my haircut at 11:30, then had lunch at El Sombrero on Gray Hwy. and then went by Bibb Music to get concert band folders. Poor Bibb. They never have what I need. i wish they'd get a little more on the ball. I could go to Bill Hardin, but they aren't getting my business if I can help it!

So Friday night. At the end of the game, the tubas played some song we never practiced . The drums joined in. How to handle that? I need to spend the whole day tomorrow planning my response. My response to this may be the most important thing I ever do. What they did was wrong. Period. You don't play whatever you feel like playing. That is putting YOU ahead of WE. And you certainly do perform something you never practiced. That's just unprofessional in every way. That is my message. They are not bad children. They do not need to be kicked out of band. There are some students who do need to be kicked out of band, but these kids are those students. But they need a strong message that we do not do what we want to do. We follow the rules. We put the needs of the group ahead of the needs of ourselves.

So you know? I'm back to that sqaure--the band is dying. It lived to be four years old. The people who started the band and went through all the hard, really hard work, to make it a successful organization are killing the band. How ironic is that? Michael Hanner loves the band more than he loves life itself, but he has sent a message to his tuba brothers that it's ok to play whatever you feel like playing--just do it! Cameron Roberson is a great student, but his silliness and lack of focus affect the entire brass section. Jasmine Habersham is now in her second year of putting band last--she missed nearly every Thursday rehearsal last year and is missing every Thursdays rehearsal this year. Same thing for Ashley Fletcher. These are the best kids in the whole world, but they are killing their band. Chris Steinberg destroyed the drum section, quit, and is now back. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of message that sends to students. Samantha Brown quit the band and is back. Did we have a revolving door put on the band room that I didn't know about?

I was thinking about my career at Rutland again today. I saw my beautfiul Rutland shirt laying on my bed and started thinking. I love Rutland. I love the school colors. I love the fact that our mascot is not an animal or Indian--it's a weather phenemenon. I love what the band has accomplished in four years. There is really so much I love. The band has truly established itself as a great organization. I've never known anyone who didn't have an over-the-top reaction to our band. It's wonderful! It's so fulfilling. But can I do this for 8 more years? I know 8 years isn't very long--it will be over before I know it. But can I really do it?

Oh well. Just things I need to think about. Miss Carr stayed at NJHS until she retired LONG after that program died. I mean, it hit SUCH a high point and then died. But it was always outstanding. I suppose Rutland could hit its high point this year (but maybe it was LAST year!) and then I can just work at maintaining excellence, even if it's on an easier level.

Continuing to think.

Turtling through the school year

Here it is--12:46 a.m. on a Wednesday night. I KNOW not to drink sweet tea for supper! I should never have caffeine on a school day. So I can't sleep. I also don't know how to work this blog thing, but I want to try.

I am having a terribly mixed emotions school year. On the one hand, I love my job and my students and I want to work with them forever. On the other hand, I just can't wait for this year to end so I can go somewhere else. I really can't put a finger on how I truly feel. I have loved starting this band program and watching it be successful. But I don't like the changes that I feel and see. I don't like the way the students in the band have begun taking things for granted. They used to savor every moment and work hard for every moment. Now they just plod along. The older students do not understand or seem to care how much they will influence the younger generations. They think I'm so full of it when I talk about stuff like that, but I know it's true. When a senior or a junior won't keep his or her mouth shut during rehearsal, the sophomores and freshmen learn that they don't have to keep their shut either. I don't like the slow loss of integrity, ethics, character I am seeing in our program. Slowly but surely, it's going downhill.

In my mind, my plan is to find a new job for next year. But as soon as I commit to that, I start feeling so sad at the thought of leaving the wonderful band and the wonderful school (even though neither is wonderful). I guess the thing is I know what will happen if I leave. It's not because I'm so great or anything like that, but when band directors go, programs die. On one hand, who cares? Does Rutland High even deserve a great or even good band program? On the other hand, some of those kids are the most wonderful kids in the world. Don't THEY deserve the continuity of what we've started?

I'm telling you--I am really conflicted. Today I asked the officers which marching event they'd like to participate in on October 21. I also put the option of choosing nothing. Do you know that most of them chose nothing?? Now if the officers don't feel like taking on a challenege and working hard to meet a standard, can you imagine how the rest of the band feels? It makes me so sad. Two years ago. those students would have wanted to go to INFINITE marching events--now they hardly want to do one.

Yet there are the wonderful ones--the MIchael Hanners and Brett Combs who stay after school on Wednesdays and paint the lines; the Benjamin Bennetts who ask me questions and advice about music when we all know who knows more about music in that duet!; the Zachary Barfields who draw me pictures of turtles to cheer me up; the Anton Hughes who are so dedicated to the band and love it so much that he'll come to whatever practice he can just to get his two days in every week. There really are some GREAT GREAT students. But there are enough headaches to bother me.

On the other hand, I know these kids, even the headache kids, are are so much better than any other students anywhere. I love our class together. I feel like we are one person working toward one goal when we rehearse each day. I guess it's just the after school stuff that gets me down. It's rarely, if ever, the actual class from 7:30-9:00 that bothers me. Perhaps that is the perspective I ought to adopt.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I can't remember how it felt, but I know there was a time when teaching at Rutland made my heart and head positively jump for joy. I don't feel like that anymore. I have very brief moments, but they are not enough to sustain me.